Worn Out

My brain is officially fried. I'm just about finished with a 10 page paper that I really didn't want to write. All I have left is editing and the conclusion but I'm just too worn out to continue at the moment. I really don't even want to be typing this to be completely honest. I think I'll take a half hour nap, finish up this paper and send it in, and then write my 4 page paper for Psychology. Then tomorrow I'll listen to General conference and write another 10 page paper for Biology. Joy. Don't you just wish you were me right now?

On the bright side, my apartment complex had a free carnival tonight, complete with cotton candy, popcorn, hot dogs, and candy. Yay free junk food!

Leaving

I spent the night at my parent's house last night and now all of my family is either at work or school. I'm still here, but I'll have to get ready to go to work soon, and I'll leave before any of them get back. I feel bad leaving now. I am the oldest, so all of my family lived together until I moved out this past August. It still feels weird not being together all the time, and I miss it. I know I'm a lot closer (distance wise) to my family than most people are, so I'm really grateful for that, but it's still hard to leave. My little brother MP came in and woke me up this morning before he went to school to tell me goodbye. I told him not to worry because I'd be back in 2 days for general conference. He said, "I know, but it's still 2 days." :( He's only 7, so I'm missing growing up with him, and that kills me. He really wants me to move back for the summer, but I signed a 1-year contract for my job, so I have to stay down in Provo. I'll have to come home more often. Well, I guess I should probably start getting ready for work now. See ya!

Hallelujah!

Relief just hit my soul! I got to my biology class today and found out that the late day for the test is TODAY not this past monday!!!! I still have time to take it!!! HALLELUJAH! And after that I get to go home for the rest of the day!!! I've been needing a break like this for a while, so I'm pretty excited! Farewell!

Today, I choose life!

I lived through the rest of today, completing the absolute bare essentials of what I needed to get done. That is all.

F. My. Life.

Do you ever have that "oh crap" (translated in your head being "oh sh**!") moment where you realize you were supposed to do something REALLY important, but forgot to, and it's too late to do it? Ya, story of my life- especially today. I had this whole plan of how my day was going to go: 1) wake up at a decent time (no classes today, so like 10am) 2) study, study, study for my Biology test 3) go to work 4) come straight home, eat, and take my test 5) do well on test! 6) write my 10-page english paper 7) Go to bed by midnight. First of all, half of these tasks are completely unrealistic. Getting up on time, doing nothing but study all morning, do well on a test I had only studied for that day, writing an entire 10-page paper, going to bed early. ya. How foolish of me to think any of those things were actually going to happen. My biggest problem, however happened at about 2pm when I looked at my planner and saw that the late day for my test was yesterday, not today like I had thought. F. MY. LIFE. I was soooo mad! I've never ever missed a test before in any class! So basically that will automatically lower my grade by 10%. Lovely. And guess who has 1 out of 10 pages done on her paper due tomorrow? That's right, this girl right here. So basically I'm screwed. Joy.

On another note, I could get away with only having 3 pages done for my paper (because it's just for conferences and she'll only have us bring 3 pages with us), so that's good. Too bad I just remembered I have a different, 3-page paper due tomorrow, which I won't have time to do, so I'll have to do that tonight too. This day is just getting better and better. Oh, and did I mention that my best friend, QM is chilling in Cali this week so I can't talk to her much and that we ended up having an hour long staff meeting after work? Ya, that was fun. We learned all about asthma, and now I'm paranoid. We did get free pizza though, which is always a plus. My room also looks like it exploded so I'll have to take care of that before I can even start working on my homework since I kind of need a desk to work on. hmmmm........what problem?

Other than all that loveliness going on, I do have some super exciting news. No, I'm not pregnant, even though that's the only announcement that comes to mind after watching pregnancy announcement videos for hours this morning (because I'm weird like that. thank you youtube). Last night I added up all of my credits and planned out when I'm going to take all of my classes in college, and found out that I get to graduate college a year early!!!!! That means I'll be done in 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so freaking excited I could pee my pants!!!! Thank you AP classes and a short Psychology program here at the Y!!! Basically I'm thrilled about this, as I'm sure you can understand based on how well school is going for me at the moment. Forgetting to take a major test? I mean come on, who does that? Oh ya, that's right- I do.

I wish I could just write this kind of stuff for my essays. I could crank them out in no time! If only, if only. But hey, in 2 years I won't have to write any more essays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless I go to graduate school for my Master's like I want too.....gosh dang it. But even then I'll only have 4 more years until I'm done with school and essays FOREVER!!!!!!!!! Thank all that is good and holy!!!!!!!!!! I live for that day, no joke.

Well, enjoy your evening! Do something fun and exciting for me since I'll be stuck in my bedroom cleaning and writing my life away. So long!

The Time is Now

Now is the time, my friends, for me to focus on just me. I am always so concerned about what other people think of me and the person I eventually want to become, that I'm not taking the proper steps to get there. I realized tonight, though, that this is the only time in my entire life that I will be able to focus on me and not have to worry about a ton of other stuff. How great is that?! I mean, I have school and work and social stuff, but those things can help me truly figure myself out. School especially, because I really need to figure out what motivates me to work hard. I know I'm perfectly capable of working my butt off because I've done it before - just not this school year. I only have 2 1/2 weeks left of class before finals, so I really need to kick myself in the butt and get going. I have a lot of essay writing I've been putting off, but I just can't afford to do that anymore! I want to start working out regularly so I will feel better about myself, and just to get in shape. I also really want to work on my spiritual health because I've been seriously slacking. Today was fast sunday, and it was a really hard one for me. I am borderline for being hypoglycemic, so sometimes fasting can be rough. I stuck through it though because I kept my purpose in mind, and I have felt the spirit so strongly ever since. I absolutely love feeling the spirit, and I really miss having that in my life on a regular basis. I also really miss having a good relationship with God. For a while there I could see his hand in everything and I really felt like He was with me all the time. It was wonderful! It's like taking your absolute best friend around with you everywhere. I love Him! In order to do this I want to go to these last few devotionals and go to the temple more often. And I need to be praying all throughout the day, as well as reading my scriptures a whole lot more often. There are a few things I need to get figured out emotionally as well. My childhood home is for sale and my sister and I get to go see it soon. I think that even though it will hurt, it will be really good for me, and will help some of my emotional scars heal. I have a few friendships I want to strengthen as well.

I know I have a lot of things to work on right now, but I'm confident that I can do it if I try. I'll have to do a lot of praying for strength, motivation, and concentration, but I know God is up there helping me out. Well, here I go! Yay for soul searching in the middle of the night when you can't sleep! hahaha

The Hunger Games

Yes, I was one of those people last night who waited in line for hours to get good seats for The Hunger Games movie. It was so good! And I didn't even read the book haha Maybe one day. I'm really not much of a reader at all, so who knows how likely that is. 

Well, that turned into kind of a pointless post, but oh well! 

Dreams

Aren't dreams weird? My roommates and I had a discussion on this until about 1am, hence, no blog post. It's interesting to see how different people's dreams can be. CM's dreams are always intense and she's always "on a mission" or trying to solve an intricate problem of some kind. CW's dreams are all about relationships with the people around her, and some sort of emotional problem. We thought this was pretty funny since she thinks about relationships and stuff the least out of all of us. My sister HP's dreams are all completely abstract. So interesting! (Then again, I'm a psychology major so I love this kind of stuff) My dreams happen in places and people I know, only slightly different. I've noticed recently that a lot of my dreams are symbolic of things that are about to happen. I swear I'm psychic or something ;) For example, about a month ago I had a dream that my childhood home (that I now live about 10 minutes away from), was for sale and that I got to go through it. I thought that was super random, but it made me curious. The next day I went for a drive past the house, and sure enough, it was for sale. So crazy! I have dreams like that all the time and I think it's so cool! Some of them are random and unsuspected like that, but others make more sense. For the past week or so I've had dreams about moving, but I think that's because I'll be moving to a new apartment next month, and moving is a huge part of my past.

And then there's sleep talking and such. How the heck does that happen?! I share a room with CM, and she sleep talks every time she's stressed. I think it's pretty funny, actually. Whenever someone talks to me while I'm sleeping, I talk back and will have a full-on conversation with them. And apparently I'm a liar in these conversations too. Random!

So in summary dreams are just weird but super cool at the same time. The end!

Moving On

Can I just say I am SOOOO ready to move on in life?! In 1 month this semester will be over, summer will be here, and I get to move to a new apartment with new roommates and new boys :)

I am super sick of school right now. I keep turning off my alarm and going back to bed instead of going to class, which is really hurting my grades. I just don't have the motivation to go anymore. In most of my classes no one will even know if I go or not. Once this semester is over I will be working a lot, but when I'm home I won't have anything I have to do. Hallelujah!

Dear summer, will you just hurry up and get here?!?! I can't wait to drive around with the windows down, have picknicks, go swimming, tan (well, attempt to tan), and all that other glorious stuff that goes along with summer. I even have a checklist of stuff I want to do this summer in my old neighborhood. I'm so excited!

Not that I don't like my roommates and all, but I'm ready to move on. BS can be pretty annoying sometimes. She hovers around all the time and bases her entire life on what the rest of us are doing. She also exaggerates everything, which is super annoying. I'll be talking about moving and how hard that was for me (I moved around a ton), and then she'll say "well I've moved too and it wasn't that hard." when she moved once to a city a few minutes away when she was like 3. NOT even close to the same thing. When I moved it was to a different state and I had to leave my best friends behind. And it happened 4 times in 5 years, in the middle of the school year every time. Then there's CW. She is very much the mother in our apartment. The only fight that's ever happened in our apartment was between me and her when she kept nagging me about what classes I was and wasn't going to and how I was spending my time. It drove me crazy! After our little fight she's stopped talking about it, but I still feel like she's judging me when I don't go. I hate it! I'm a big girl and can handle my own schedule, thank you very much. CM is my favorite roommate. We share a room, which has never been a problem. Then again, she's really not home much because she's so busy all the time. The only thing that bugs me about her is that every guy who meets us is instantly in love with her, and then the rest of us get ignored. And even if she has a micro crush on a guy (basically if she has the potential to like them), she'll tell us all, so if we had liked them at all there's no point in trying because she's already "claimed" them. Speaking of guys, all of the ones that are in my ward now are "pre-mis" aka they will all be leaving in a month to go on their missions, so I won't see any of them for the next 2 years, if ever. It's really sad to have to say goodbye to all of them, but I'm over people leaving me. I don't understand why people are in relationships right now with people that they know are going to leave so soon! It's like having a practice relationship or something. Idk, I think it's weird. If I'm going to be in a relationship, I want it to at least have the potential to go somewhere long and lasting. Not one that I know will end in a month. What's the point of that? Plus, with all the moving I've done, I am sick and tired of having to be separated from the people that I love and care about. As of right now every single person that I care about I've had to leave. Including my family, who I had to leave to come to college. I would give anything to have someone who would come with me no matter where I end up going in life, and who will stick by my side, even when things get hard.

Well, that's all my ranting for the day. I'm sure I'll see ya tomorrow!

Quick! Family time!

Tonight's post will be pretty short, because I'm going to bed early tonight!!! It's only 11:40 right now and I'm in bed, tired! It's a miracle!!!

Today I went to my cousin BD's missionary farewell. We're not very close, so it wasn't too hard. After that I went to my parent's house and spent the day with my family. So much fun! My sister HP and I played games, and all of us joked around and just had fun! I love it! I can't believe how lucky I am to have such an amazing family!

3rd-wheels

The first word that comes to mind when I hear "3rd wheel?" AWKWARD! You've all been there, I know: you want to be alone with someone, but there's that other person there who WON'T LEAVE regardless of how many not-so-subtle hints you give them. It's so annoying! What's even worse is realizing you're the 3rd-wheel and having to figure out a way to get out of the situation as fast as humanly possible (or at least, that's what we would all hope you'd be doing).

Tonight I had 2 encounters with third-wheelers. The first was at a super awkward dance I went to for St.Patrick's Day. (Happy St.Patrick's Day by the way!) My roommate BS, a guy I like who has a girlfriend (TB), and I all went to this dance together. (TB's girlfriend, JT was sick so she didn't come with us) TB and I are really good friends, so we talk to each other about lots of things we might not talk about with other people. So we would be trying to talk about something, when BS would pop up next to us and start trying to figure out what we were talking about. I mean, I like you and all BS, but can't you tell that this is awkward?! Please stop! My other encounter tonight was after the dance. The dance was lame, so we went back to TB's to watch a movie. JT joined us. Curfew at my apartment complex is at midnight on Saturdays, so we took the laptop outside to finish the movie. Too bad BS left, leaving just me, TB and JT on a park bench, watching a movie. Thus making me the awkward 3rd wheel - great............I would have just left and let them finish the movie, but the movie was mine. Pretty much as soon as the movie ended I put it back in the case and left RIGHT AWAY. I didn't want to be "that guy".

So here's the deal with TB, JT, and me and our little love triangle. First of all, I'm the only one who even knows it exists. At the beginning of this semester TB started hanging out with our apartment a lot. My roommate CW and I both decided we liked TB at the same time, which made for some incredibly awkward situations. It brought out the competitive side in both of us, and it felt like we were fighting over him every time he came over. Yuck! Then within the first few minutes of Valentine's Day we saw TB coming out of his apartment, holding hands with JT :( ya, that Valentine's Day was fun. After that I still talked to TB a lot, and we would hang out and everything just like normal. CW dropped him, and was just mad at him - immature if you ask me. TB never found out that I had ever liked him, and I hope he never does. I don't think we would be able to stay as close as we are if he knew. Especially not if JT knew. She's actually super nice, and I will admit that they make a cute couple. She's totally good with TB and me hanging out alone, which is awesome. We've become friends, which is nice. I just don't think she'd be ok with TB and I hanging out alone much if she knew I like him. I know I really ought to just let him go, especially because once this next month is over I'll probably never see him again :( I've tried to get over him, but it's hard when we're still such good friends. I'm sure there's something I'm supposed to learn from all of this, I just haven't figured it out yet. One day!

Well, it's officially 2am and I have to get up in 5 hours....oh goody. I get to see my family tomorrow though, so it'll be worth it! I'm excited! See ya tomorrow!

Welcome to my world!

Hello there!

More like hello there self, since I highly doubt anyone is reading this. Oh well though! I can pretend! It will probably make it easier to write what I really feel that way, actually. So basically I've had this problem lately where I cannot physically make myself fall asleep until after 2:00am. It's so annoying! But, I figured I may as well do something useful with this extra free time - so why not blog? I actually have another blog, but it's very public and I can't write about everything that I want to on it. Hence the existence of this blog! I will refer to people with their initials so I can talk about whoever I want on here without them ever figuring it out. Yay! I will refer to myself as I, me, KP, real k, or something in that general direction. I'm the oldest of 6 - 2 girls and 4 boys. My sister is HP and my brothers are JEP, BP, JTP, and MP. The rest of my life story will be revealed on here in later posts, I'm sure. That's the main part you'll need to know though!